<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Cradle me to sweet death by Iv_y</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26929273">Cradle me to sweet death</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iv_y/pseuds/Iv_y'>Iv_y</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Stray Kids (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>ASMR, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Canon Compliant, Confessions, Cuddling &amp; Snuggling, EVERYONE IS WHIPPED, Fluff, Han Jisung | Han is Whipped, Han Jisung | Han-centric, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Kisses on the lips are overrated, Late Night Conversations, Lee Minho | Lee Know is Whipped, Light Angst, Light Petting, M/M, Mild Swearing, Neck Kissing, Not my words, Platonic Relationships, Platonic Soulmates, Sleep Deprivation, Slice of Life, Touching, but yes I agree</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 02:21:16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,196</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26929273</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iv_y/pseuds/Iv_y</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Jisung watches an ASMR video featuring Minho and the latter walks in on him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>(that's it. That's the fic)<br/>~<br/>Based on the recent tingle-interview ft Felix and Minho</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>416</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Minsung</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Cradle me to sweet death</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Minsung has my heart so here's my first fic as part of this fandom, exploring a new ship. This was supposed to have a point but turned into a soup of self-indulgence hehe. </p>
<p>(unedited and completed in a sleep-deprived haze-just putting it out there)</p>
<p>(inspired by the interview linked below:<br/>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e8gTTBMzcXw&amp;t=719s - for those of you who haven't blessed your ears with this godsend)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jisung thinks this is the end.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Hold your breath and count to ten.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He clenches his teeth - even in his state of panic, his brain has the gall to break into song. Adele must be proud.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>A sad attempt at humor to diffuse the weight that’s settled on his chest. He does hold his breath, but before he can apply the technique he’d learnt, a tremor shoots up his body causing him to choke on a cough. His hands fidget, fingers overlapping and spreading out, seeking to grab something but curling back to be clenched in a fist. He can sense his body heating up and palms growing clammy with sweat- tugging his sleeves to cover them, he rests them between his legs. His mind runs a hundred miles per second. He hopes this episode will pass as quickly as the previous ones but he’s sure this feels different and is convinced he’s definitely dying.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He wants to reach for his phone and call someone but the boys have already headed home for the month-long vacation, save for Chan, who he presumes is fast asleep. Jisung doesn't have the heart to wake him up because if there’s anyone who deserves a well-rested night, it’s their leader who’s spent countless days in the studio, hardly getting any sleep.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>You haven’t worked hard or put in the same amount of time and effort as the rest and yet you have the nerve to stay up and do nothing about it, caught up in your own world of meaningless worries, you useless fuck, </em>an ugly voice derides.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>If this were his inevitable end, he wishes to be carried in someone’s arms and be cradled to sweet death.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Eomma,</em> he whimpers and then laughs at his plight. Jisung doesn’t understand how he’s both on the verge of tearing up and borderline amused at what a <em>sad boi</em> he was being. He’s a hopeless twenty-year old calling out for his mother in the middle of the night, so lost in his head, weighed down by the downward spiral his mind had ventured into without warning.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>When he finally manages to control his breathing, he tells himself he’s a big boy who can take care of himself and reaches for his phone. He contemplates again, for a moment, to ring someone up but in that one second, he feels another wave of panic build in his stomach and he quickly dismisses the idea. He ticks off a couple of boxes in his head. He's tried several breathing exercises he’d learnt during a course on stress management, had done some role-playing with himself. (Yes, you can pity him) He played both the role of someone who’d just calmed down following an anxiety attack but needed comforting - basically, himself - and the <em>comforter</em>, petting his hair and whispering soothing praises into the quiet night.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>The second method was starting to get a bit embarrassing - not that anyone has to know he talks to himself a lot and runs his fingers through his own hair, to cope – but even for himself.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>By some unknown force, he ends up finding an alternate option – a popular one, he always assumed was not for him because he couldn’t take it seriously. He types:</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>ASMR</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>But to be more specific, he adds –</p>
<p>
  <em>…for anxiety attacks.</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>He stares at the wide range of videos that appear and already feels attacked by some of the thumbnails – YouTubers with the ‘give me your soul’ expressions etched on their faces. His curiosity gets the better of him and he clicks on one of the videos and it starts off with a woman telling him (well, not him but it’s made to sound like it’s just for him) that he isn’t having a heart attack so he can chill.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Two minutes in, he gets distracted, reading the comments under the video instead and scoffs when he comes across people saying that this video helped them feel like they were being heard; made them feel less lonely.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>If anything, this just makes Jisung feel lonelier. He appreciates the effort the woman puts into her hour-long (jeez) videos, wondering if this is more cathartic for her than her viewers. It may have worked for others but he gets bored and decides he’s already ashamed so might as well dig deeper and types –</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>ASMR- touching hair</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He can’t even bother to articulate properly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He’s not surprised to find several videos under the titles ‘<em>soft hair play- scratching – combing- massage.</em>’ (hmm nice) He finds another that says <em>‘face touching for sleep and relaxation’</em> and considers it might be more fitting since he’s sleep-deprived as fuck but a minute in, and he already feels like he’s interrupting the two women on screen, what with it seeming like the start to a bad lesbian porno. He goes back to click on the first option.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He closes his eyes and finds himself smiling in glee, unable to deny that –</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Omg that actually felt like she tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. It felt real.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Once it reached the scratching section though, he felt a bit squeamish, the sensation close to what he assumed sandpaper would feel like, were it to be rubbed on his body.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He sighs after watching a couple of videos – never fully reaching the end and out of nowhere, suddenly remembers that Felix and Minho had recently shot an ASMR tingle-interview for M2 and though he’s watched the video already, he reasons that he’s beyond the point of trying to fall asleep so he’ll do anything to pass time now.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He simply puts his phone facing down and listens as the two boys take turns answering questions. He'll admit that Felix definitely has a knack for this profession, with his genuine interest and deep voice being an added asset. Jisung wouldn't be surprised if he had a secret channel but he doubts Felix would keep it hidden from the boys and would probably flex, going to the extent of reserving Friday nights for a joined viewing of new episodes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Minho on the other hand...</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jisung can't take him seriously. He doesn't mean that in a bad way. He just can't contain the laugh (he's too proud to say 'giggle') that threatens to escape his lips every time it's his turn to speak into that ear-mic-thingy. There's something absolutely comforting in listening to him spew the most nonsensical shit like the part where it's asked where they were born and Minho mentions 'in the hospital' - which is just obvious yet the most <em>Minho</em> way of answering, or how he can't go one interview without mentioning his cats. It's disgustingly cute and Jisung is soft for him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Has always been.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Something compels him to click on the full version video ft. the ear massage. He loves Felix and will definitely be the first one to buy his audiobook if he were to ever release one but he feels this sense of restlessness and seeks the warmth of one specific boy he's gotten so used to finding solace in, on nights he struggles to get his mind to shut up.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He's always felt lucky to be a subject of Minho’s affection, the rest of the members sharing a knowing look, sighing in mock-annoyance, whining that being put in a room with him and Minho is bound to make them feel like they’re third-wheeling. He’s aware that this doesn’t skip past the fans either, always finding an opportunity to point out that the both of them seem to naturally gravitate towards each other.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He doesn’t deny these claims. It’s not like he hasn’t already confessed for the whole world to see, that he thinks Minho is his soulmate.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>There’s an underlying itch though, that comes with being aware of how deep the love runs in his veins. He tries to push it back into the corner of his mind.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He doesn't have to watch the video to know its reached the part where Minho is struggling to open the modeling pack and in one moment, Jisung is chuckling, looking up at the ceiling and the next, he's curling into his pillow, hugging it tight, eyes shut; heart fluttering at both the silly whispers accompanying the squishy, wet sound of the pack and this strange feeling that seeps into his bones.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jisung wonders if the tug he feels in his chest is the telling signs of yet another anxiety attack or if it's something akin to <em>longing</em> and he realizes he's more scared to confront the latter.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He thinks maybe looking at the video will help bring him to his senses. He feels ashamed for a reason he can't explain when he keeps replaying the part where Minho chuckles, the sound tickling his ears. He plays once with his eyes shut, second time to watch the way the small laugh- just a puff of air out of Minho’s nose, causes his cheekbones to become more prominent, third time to watch the way his eyes crinkle boyishly, fourth time to wonder when Minho had gotten so beautiful, fifth to realize he's such a goner.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Just then, there's a knock and when Jisung turns to find Minho at the door, he's convinced he's become delusional and is seeing things.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jisung is snuggled up under the blankets, phone held above his chest and he stares, waiting for this apparition standing in front of him, to disappear.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"You alright?" The apparition speaks and Jisung pulls the ear-plug out of his right ear, leaving the other one on, the video still playing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Huh?" His cheeks grow warm the longer Minho stares at him, blinking at him – once, twice.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"What are you watching?" Minho makes his way to the bed and Jisung is still trying to figure out if this is a figment of his imagination. It takes a second for him to realize what's happening and it would have been easier to explain that he was watching the tingle-interview, with a practiced sense of nonchalance and a shrug of the shoulder but his mind short circuits and he shrieks</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Nothing!" Minho halts mid-way, a knowing smirk making its way on his face as he asks</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Are you watching porn?" This would have caused Jisung to scoff and it has nothing to do with the question but his ears betray him, turning red.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"No! Yes. Why do you care? Didn't you leave for home? Why are you still here?” he flails his hands around wildly. “<em>Are you real?</em>" He whispers.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He wants to dig himself a hole.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Minho ignores his flustered reaction, eyebrows knit in confusion.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"I mentioned I was leaving tomorrow," he looks down at his watch "or technically speaking, in a couple of hours. I'd gone to meet a friend of mine, then headed to the convenience store to buy some snacks for us 'coz I thought I could spend the night with you before I leave. I didn’t expect to get back this late but you're up sooo," he raises the bag of snacks as if to convey the rest.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Somewhere in between all of this, Jisung's throat closes up on him and on noticing his flushed face, Minho places the bag on the table and a look of worry crosses his features as he comes to kneel at his side, resting his chin on the bed and looking up at Jisung.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"What's wrong?" Minho reaches forward to rest the back of his palm on his forehead and Jisung almost keens at the contact and when he moves to cup his cheek instead, he involuntarily leans into the touch causing Minho to still in his movements before his eyes soften, fingers brushing the strands out of his eyes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Omg he pushed a strand of hair behind my ear and this time it 'was' real. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jisung wants to cry and he's so lost in the sensation of Minho running his thumb in circles from his cheek- down to his jaw, he doesn't notice when the other reaches for the ear-plug that was not in use and proceeds to rub it on his comforter before sticking it into his ear.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jisung stumbles to pull it back from him but he's too late, Minho's eyebrows shooting up both in question and amusement. He picks up Jisung's phone who wonders, belatedly -dreadfully - what it must be like to find yourself on someone's screen. Minho turns to Jisung who stubbornly stares back at him, unwilling to skirt behind embarrassment.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"You haven't watched this one yet?" Minho sounds genuinely confused at first.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Oh, bless him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>It serves as a nice opportunity for Jisung to lie and say 'yeah, he hadn't' and get this over with but it seems like there's more mortification in store because Minho sees right through him before he even opens his mouth.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>"Oh."</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>The almost secretive smile playing on Minho's lips makes Jisung want to punch his face.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“‘<em>Oh’</em> what?" Minho shakes his head, still wearing that annoying smile when Jisung crosses his arms over his chest, feeling defensive.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>When the other boy gets back on his feet, Jisung doesn't mean to aggressively pull at the earphones causing it fall off both of their ears but he's a little unnerved, sue him. He looks away when Minho tilts his head at Jisung’s antics.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Hey," Minho sighs softly and Jisung only huffs. He feels the bed dip and immediately straightens when</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"<em>Hey,</em>" he feels it more than hears it being whispered against the shell of his ear, followed by a giggle that goes straight to his gut.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>This insufferable person.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Minho sits in front of him and leans forward, his hair tickling the side of Jisung's head, lips slightly hovering above his earlobe before</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"<em>Ffffffffffffff</em>," hot air tickles his ears.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"<em>What the fuck,</em>" Jisung whisper-yells and he means to ask 'what are you doing?' but he doesn't move a muscle and swallows his words when the older boy lets out a breathy laugh.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"<em>A.</em>"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"<em>S,</em>" Jisung's breath hitches when Minho places an arm on either side of him, caging him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"<em>M.</em>" He wants to cringe.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"<em>R</em>," He shivers when the 'r' rolls off Minho's tongue with ease.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jisung is so done.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He leans forward to rest his head on Minho's shoulder.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Shut up," he mutters but his voice is heavy with defeat. He doesn't even know what he was trying to hide in the first place. It's completely normal to feel your heart flutter at the sound of your homie's laugh, right?</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Yeah, no. Even associating the word 'homie' with Minho makes him want to swallow his own barf. He won't deny that there have been several instances in the past, where he almost kissed Minho in a rush of excitement and the thought that Minho probably wouldn't mind had him backtracking more than the possibility of being rejected.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>There's an unspoken tension in the room now or maybe Jisung is looking into it too much.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Either way, it breaks when Minho's body starts to shake in silent laughter but Jisung doesn't feel like he's being mocked. He feels <em>adored.</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>When Minho wraps him in a hug, he melts right there, letting out a breath he wasn’t aware he had been holding. It's comforting when Minho doesn't pry for answers, choosing to pull Jisung closer into his arms.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Wanna take turns throwing snacks into each other’s mouth or something?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Why is Minho like this?</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jisung snorts and nods his head.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Wanna tell me what’s on your mind then, or do you want me to talk?” When Minho’s voice gets soft like this, Jisung wants to reach into his own heart, rip it out and yell</p>
<p>
  <em>‘why the fuck are you so weak?!’</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"I'm so tired <em>hyung,</em>" Jisung finally says when the patterns being drawn on his back lulls him into a state of unfiltered b.s.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"I'm so tired of crying myself to sleep every night because my stubborn ass doesn't know how to reach out. I might be about to die in the middle of the night, choking on my own spit and I'll still leave a text saying 'hey, when you wake up or come back, check if I'm alive-lmao," instead of outright saying 'please help me' because I'm so afraid of being a burden and I know everyone assures me that I'm not but I'm so used to having my shit together or people assuming that ultimately I can help myself out of difficult situations, that I simply feel helpless when I <em>do</em> need help. But then I get annoyed when people help too, especially with unsolicited advice or ask me to vent when all I really crave is to be held like this and sit in silence. The voices in my head are loud enough already."</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>There's silence, just like what Jisung wishes for but he also wants Minho to say something.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"You should rap that next time. It sounded like one."</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jisung bites his lips to refrain from cursing but he jolts when he feels fingers reaching under the hem of his sweatshirt, stilling for a moment in question and when Jisung relaxes, Minho moves them further up his back, lightly scratching him with blunt nails.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>It has Jisung both arching into the touch and nestling further against Minho's shoulder. It's a wonder how he manages to forget the thoughts that plague his mind when he's being touched like this. Sure, the boys are all for skinship, save for Jeongin maybe but it's never like this. Slow and languid, like he's being mapped and figured out when Jisung himself doesn't know who he is and what he wants.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"You don't have to force yourself to reach out when you're in a mental state that doesn't allow you to. You're not being stubborn when you can't seem to accept advice or help that comes your way. There's a lot of assumption that goes into comforting somebody else and usually it’s a projection of what they themselves want. You know when Channie hyung constantly asks us if we’re okay, to the point it gets annoying sometimes?” Jisung can hear the doting smile in Minho's tone even as he says this and simply nods for him to continue</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He loves it even more- though he may not admit -to be asked the same. When Seungmin tells you to stop being so hard on yourself, most of what he means to say, is directed at himself. Not to say this is a bad thing but assumptions revolve around their framework of what constitutes as 'comfort' and some are afraid to pry further into something that may be beyond their understanding. That doesn’t mean they don’t care about you though. Some people just don't know how to help without being told what to do."</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"And you do?" Jisung asks more out of genuine curiosity because he's not sure if what he needs is something even he fully understands.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Yeah."</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>The surety with which Minho says this causes everything else in his mind to come to a skidding halt.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He likes being figured out. He likes being asked questions. He appreciates when people are upfront with him, not walking on eggshells around him. His anxiety only gets worse when he assumes that people don't actually care about him but he's aware there's not a lot he shows on the surface, always downplaying his emotions but he's always rationalized this in his head multiple times, coming to the conclusion that he's never going to be satisfied and feels like he always gives more than he gets but the question is does he really even want anything or does he just want it from one person?</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>That sense of platonic comfort he gets from a mere chuckle, the crinkle of someone's eyes,</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>the faint brush of lips against his neck.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Fuck. When did that happen?</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jisung’s fingers curl into the sheets when he feels Minho drag his lips from under his jaw, down to his collarbone, biting the fabric of his sweatshirt causing the latter's teeth to lightly graze his skin. He can't hide the shudder that follows.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“<em>Is my assumption wrong?"</em> Minho murmurs, resting his head slightly above Jisung's chest and looking up.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jisung stares down at those long lashes and doe eyes and once again, he feels his chest tighten.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Minho is not difficult to understand (contrary to popular belief)- he's made up of simple, straight-forward words and actions that come from his heart without a need to be acknowledged for the warmth his mere presence offers. He's cool like that. Jisung's never - not once - felt unlike himself around him and maybe that's why he doesn't want to deny the way his insides feel like mush when Minho senses the right time to give him a hug, comfort him with words that are as plain as bread most times. Even when he gives Jisung the most stoic look in response to his lame jokes, he still ruffles his hair as if to say <em> maybe if I wasn't unimpressed with the world in general, I'd have laughed but you cute, you tried. </em> - Jisung loves knowing that Minho observes each and every move of his, each word Jisung utters, in silence (but like, not in a creepy way)</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jisung doesn't answer the question because he knows Minho sees right through him. If most assumptions are a projection, as Minho suggests, then he wouldn't be wrong in assuming that Minho understands him better than anyone else only because what Jisung gives him, he gets in return - Be it space, be it comfort. It's not about expectations, it's about meeting those expectations before you even have them which then sets the bar and he can't help but be biased.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Minho has his heart.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"You're so-" words clog up in his throat.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Hm?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"<em>You're so beautiful, it actually physically hurts to look at you</em>."</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He feels a weight get lifted off his shoulders - literally, when Minho pulls back to look at him, both of them at eye-level now.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"W-why are you crying?" Minho lifts a finger to brush a tear running down his cheek.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Coz it hurts?" He croaks and then winces at his voice.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"It doesn't have to?" The soft strands of hair falling on his forehead, makes Minho look younger than his age, voice reaching a higher register before he coughs and adds</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"my face is a gift to this planet. If anything, its purpose is to <em>heal</em>," he tries to joke but Jisung catches the tinge of red dusting his cheeks.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He feels warm all over so he basks in the feeling by letting out a silent sob while Minho tries to figure out what's going on. Or maybe he already knows what's up. Maybe both of them have it figured out. <em>Mayhaps</em> it's always been there and even acknowledged.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Maybe Jisung is just being a cryptic idiot on purpose.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"<em>I like you so much</em>," he sniffles not taking his eyes off the way Minho closes his own and curses under his breath. Jisung scoots closer and leans in to whisper</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"<em>Sooooo much</em>," and relishes in the way Minho's ears turn pink. It gives him a surge of confidence. He lifts his weight, kneeling on the bed before settling on the older boy's lap, arms coming to wrap around Minho's broad frame.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"I don't know whether to feel confused or annoyed," he huffs, face bordering on perplexity.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"You can feel in loooovvveee with meee," Jisung swears it’s the sleep deprivation that's finally caught up with him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"That I already do, idiot." Minho doesn’t even miss a beat to say this causing a hiccup to tear through Jisung's lips. His tear-streaked face slowly makes way for a full-blown smile.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Minho ruffles his hair, returning the smile but rolling his eyes at this random turn of events.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"What does any of this have to do with you staying up in the middle of the night watching my failed attempt at doing ASMR though?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Yongbokie is a pro, just saying. You? Not so much, " Minho whacks Jisung playfully and mutters</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"It wasn't that bad though." Jisung wants to kiss his pout away.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"It wasn't, it wasn't," he assures "I had an anxiety attack and I just really wanted to feel soothed and none of the videos helped and I figured it was prolly ‘coz it wasn’t made <em>for</em> me. It didn’t feel personal. Then I realized I missed hugging you to sleep and landed on the video or the other way around? The video made me miss you. Yeah."</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Hate to break it to you but that video wasn't made for you either?" Minho's eyes swim in mirth but under the dim lighting of the room, he looks so soft, Jisung wants to reach forward and touch.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"I knowwww. But you-" Jisung's tongue slips but he holds himself back before he turns into a huge sap.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"I'm <em>what? </em>” Minho pauses to run a thumb between Jisung’s eyebrows, massaging the tension away. “<em>I'm </em>made for you?" He completes for him, voice laced with amusement.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"I just missed your dumb voice ok," Jisung huffs.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Just my voice? In that case, you're not going to hear me speak again."</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Good, it's dumb anyway- ow!" Minho resorts to poking him all over "I did say I missed you!"</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Suddenly Jisung is being pushed back on the bed, the other crawling above him. He swoops down to speak against his ear yet again, giving a personal ASMR experience he never asked for and this time Minho doesn't shut up, sending tingles up Jisung’s spine.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"<em>Did Jisungie miss me that bad? Did he think I left the dorms without kissing him goodbye?</em> <em>Does he wish for me to be his full-time cuddle bug? Does he miss the feeling of me warming my cold feet by pressing them against his back?”</em></p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jisung is two seconds away from slapping a rubber flipper across Minho’s face.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Is this your form of dirty talk?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Oooh already thinking about all that stuff between us, huh?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"You say 'all that stuff' like we don't flirt with each other at every given opportunity."</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Yeah, but it's never dirty, you dirty boy,"</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Says the boy who was slobbering all over my neck like fifteen minutes ago."</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Slobberi- how incredulous!"</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Don't use big words. It doesn't suit you."</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"You're just begging to be whooped now, aren't you?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Hm. Kinky."</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He knows he's being a little piece of shit, testing Minho's patience but it’s this kind of banter that doesn’t fail to rile them up and maybe Jisung is just <em>tired</em>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Minho finally breaks at Jisung's teasing smirk and grabs ahold of both of his arms and pins them above his head. He falls pliant on noticing something dark skim past Minho's eyes for a fraction of a second before it's replaced with a look of fondness.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He uses his other hand, - the one that's not holding him down – to cup Jisung’s face. Running his fingers down his chest, there’s something both impatient yet controlled in the way he touches Jisung that makes his back arch. Minho’s palm settles on his hip, subtly hiking his sweatshirt up, exposing a sliver of skin. His breathing becomes a little erratic and only notices it when Minho gives him a reassuring squeeze, running his hand up-down his sides. As if to say <em>Easy. Follow the movement of my hands. Focus.</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>   </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He closes his eyes and does just that- focuses on the way Minho’s nails lightly brush him on the upstroke and digs into his skin when he drags it back down. He feels soft, steady puffs of air fan his face and involuntarily tilts his head, leaving his neck vulnerable…silently asking for <em>more.</em></p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He hears the boy above him chuckle and he writhes in his spot not knowing what to expect. Jisung feels the light scrape of teeth and jostles when Minho drags his tongue, licking a long stripe up the column of his neck. It should gross him out but he lurches forward at the sensation and whimpers when the grip on his hand tightens.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Minho gives him no time recover before kissing the spot between his jaw and ear, nipping him, drawing all these small noises out of Jisung. He’s too blissed out to worry about how whiny he sounds. But when Minho tugs at his earlobe, pulling it between his teeth, he moans embarrassingly loud and he wants to die right there.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“<em>Cute</em>,” Minho comments and mouths along his neck, leaving open-mouthed kisses, teasing his skin red. He doesn’t pause his ministrations, using his free hand to lift Jisung’s sweatshirt and when he turns his body at the cold touch, the fabric bunches slightly above his sternum, feeling prickled as goosebumps rise on his flesh. Minho softly claws at his skin, tracing all kinds of shapes on his body, even going to the extent of rubbing his tummy and Jisung thinks Minho’s confused him for one of his cats at this point.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Stop-<em>N-ah!</em>”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Incoherent words slip out of Jisung’s mouth and he’s scared of the way his body is reacting to even the simplest of touches. Minho decides to spare him from further embarrassment and pulls away but only after placing one last chaste kiss on his collarbone and unceremoniously blowing a raspberry on his stomach which causes him to recoil, pulling Jisung out of whatever haze he was in, opening his eyes to glare at Minho who simply plasters the most obnoxious smile on his face.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"How's that for slobbering?" At least Jisung feels a little content knowing Minho sounds just as breathless as he feels.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Just shut up and kiss me."</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Yea?" Jisung looks up to find Minho blinking at him in wonder.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“<em>Please?”</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“But I just did?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>They stare at each other for what feels like ages and Jisung wonders if there's been some miscommunication or if Minho doesn't know the conventional way of going about a makeout session.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Are you kidding me?” He can hear the chirp of birds and tries to figure how long they’ve been at this.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What?” There’s something about the way the boy before him blinks that momentarily distracts Jisung from the situation at hand, making him want to coo at Minho instead.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You know what I mean,” Jisung mutters. Minho’s eyes fall on his lips before settling back on his forehead, bringing a hand up to card his fingers through Jisung’s hair and well…he’s weak for that shit.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Kisses on the lips are overrated,” Minho shrugs.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Okay, that’s new.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jisung raises an eyebrow at him and pouts to show he’s not convinced.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>There’s no warning before Minho bends down to place a quick peck on his lips.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jisung isn’t even sure that just happened.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“See? Did you feel anything? Nope.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I felt…nothing,” Jisung agrees “Because that was hardly anything!” He earns a slap on his thigh which shouldn’t cause him to shudder this violently but he’s given up on his body at this point.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Don’t be greedy,” Minho laughs and Jisung is about to point out that it wasn’t him who had his hands all over someone moments ago but is silenced when Minho leans forward, slotting their lips.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You.” <em>Kiss</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Are.” <em>Kiss</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So.” <em>Kiss.</em></p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>“Fucking cute.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jisung feels like he’s going to cry all over again but this time, it’s out of relief. He blames it on the weariness of how the night had begun with him yearning to be babied and taken care of. He feels shy, kissing Minho back, testing the waters first but when he feels a hand grip below his thigh, pulling him closer, he gasps into Minho’s mouth and the latter uses this opportunity to deepen the kiss.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>If there’s anything that Jisung had to associate with the feeling of Minho’s lips against his, it’d be something similar to slipping into a hoodie that’s a little too big but allows you to play around with – you know? When you cocoon yourself by leaving the hood on, pulling the strings so you can’t see anything and stretching it over your knees and then you just sit there on the bed thinking what the fuck you’re doing but you feel like a ball of cuteness?</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Yeah, that.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Minho licks into his mouth and Jisung hums in contentment.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“See? This ain’t so bad no?” Jisung offers, in between kisses and Minho pretends to think for a moment.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“<em>Yah! </em>” Jisung pushes at the other boy’s chest, feigning hurt yet he’s unable to hide his smile. He feels so lax and cozy, a soft yawn escaping his lips.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yah?” Minho looks like he’s about to lecture the lazy grin off Jisung’s face.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Soweee.” He’s not sorry. Minho rolls his eyes and drops a kiss on his cheek.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Kissing seems bland in comparison to the intimacy of touching you in all the right places in ways that make you ache for more,” Minho says with the straightest face ever and Jisung just stares at him dumbly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re unbelievable.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That’s what she said.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Who?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That’s what I hope you’ll continue to say,” Minho corrects and plops his whole weight down on Jisung who lets out an <em>oof!</em></p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They roll around on the bed and after settling into a position that works for both of them, Minho sits up against the headrest and circles his arms around Jisung’s waist- his back resting against Minho’s chest. He softly rocks them from side-to-side.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Going to miss this,” Minho mumbles, his breath tickling the tiny strands of hair on Jisung's nape. </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>It’s rare to hear Minho sound vulnerable and Jisung isn’t going to be a jerk and say <em>‘it’s only a month,’</em> so he instinctively brings his hand up to pull Minho closer, rubbing the muscles on his shoulders and Minho noses along the side of Jisung's neck, takes a sniff of his hair and exhales deep, resting his face in the crook between his head and shoulders. </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>After a long stretch of comfortable silence, he’s lulled from their breaths moving in tandem. Hit with this sudden sense of gratitude for how at ease he feels, he whispers a soft <em>thank you </em>to which Minho replies</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Pffft.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jisung swears internally but smiles when Minho gently kisses the side of his head.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>There’s no magical change in their dynamic and neither of them are stupid to leave things unspoken either but he knows they have time to figure out how to go about things in a practical manner since they’re idols and wouldn’t want to risk losing everything the group has worked for, by losing themselves in each other. He can count on Minho to take things slow, the same way he takes his time to map out Jisung’s body, learning what eases the pain, what turns him into a mess in bed and what makes him feel blanketed in safety when Jisung doesn’t feel safe in his own head.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The tug he’d felt in his heart settles into a sated hum.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>They don’t sleep but Jisung feels well-rested.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>___</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There’s no dramatic farewell.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Minho does some last-minute packing and waits at the door.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Say hi to Soon-ie, Doong-ie, Dori,” Jisung drawls, rubbing his face with the back of his sleeve.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Minho ruffles his hair and nods. The dorms feel empty without the other boys running around being chaotic but the quiet engulfs them in what others would call ‘a moment.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“<em>Come here,</em>” Minho sighs, a slump in his shoulders but he plants his lips firmly on Jisung’s own, causing him to smile into the kiss.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I thought kisses were overrated?” He jokes when they pull apart.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Okay, I want my kiss back,” Minho dead-pans.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Once you come back from vacation, yes.” Minho shakes his head and pets Jisung’s hair one last time, murmurs a <em>take care okay? </em>before walking out the dorms.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jisung watches after him in the hallways, stretching his limbs and when he turns, he finds Chan blinking at the spot where Minho stood just moments ago and then turns his gaze to Jisung.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“<em>Ohayo!</em>” he greets.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Huh? Oh-ha,” Chan grunts some semblance of a <em>good morning</em> and walks back to his room. Jisung assumes he’s not awake enough to feel scarred.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He smiles once he settles back on his bed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Minho had offered to have Jisung tag along with him but he’d passed up on the opportunity.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He’d like to use this time and space to work on himself, catch up on his Japanese lessons, maybe get back to journaling, and attend his therapy sessions. Minho was as usual, his understanding self with minimal words spoken between them and he didn’t doubt Jisung nor offer to be someone he could be co-dependent on. He trusted they’d both use the time apart to figure what’s best for them and not worry too much.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>___</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The following month isn't eventful but passes by quickly and on several occasions, Jisung has to remind himself <em>to breathe</em>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>On days he’s hit with a wave of anxiety, Jisung finds it less embarrassing to role-play, this time keeping Minho in mind as the comforting presence.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>And on nights he’s unable to sleep, Minho sends him exclusive, low-quality ASMR voice-notes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He breathes the words</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Lee Minho,</em> repeating it till he finally falls into peaceful slumber.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>(end)</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Brb, crying myself to sleep. I adore these bois.</p>
<p>Stray kids is my ult group but I didn't know who to base my fics on because I love the dynamic between each and every member.</p>
<p>As someone who is Aromantic, I feel more at ease touching upon platonic relationships that don't necessarily involve intense, passionate confessions of love. Now I have a couple of ideas up my sleeve for future Minsung fics. </p>
<p>Stay tuned?</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>